Alternate Universe High
by GodOfFlame101
Summary: Parody. Attempted humor that will try to capture the overly used characterizations, motifs and plotlines of IYAU High School fics. Chapters focus mainly on one flogged-dead horse at a time. Flames Welcome. Rated M for Language/Suggestive Themes/Stupidity.
1. TashioTaishoTakahashiSan

Disclaimer: I, GodOfFlame101 under the alias of Damien, do not own any copyrights, Trademarks or affiliates of the Anime/Manga InuYasha. I receive no revenue from this story and this story may be distributed or revoked by the will of the producers of said Anime/Manga without myself seeing so much as a penny.

* * *

**Tashio-Taisho-Takahashi-San**

_Alternate Universe High_

* * *

Inuyasha Tashio-Taisho-Takahashi, son of the biggest and richest youkai in all of Japan, climbed out of his really expensive sports car that he had been given for his birthday. It was some American brand that doesn't normally sell well in Japan and it was painted crimson with a white trim and flames that looked super realistic next to the wheels…because everyone knows that the hallmark of a "rad" dude is having flames painted on the side of their car. His parents had offered him one of the better selling and more reliable Japanese models of cars – brands like Honda and Toyota-Lexus who are consistently rated as better cars overall than most overseas competition – but the young seventeen year-old hanyou knew better than his father who was presumably over a millennia old. And, with that logic, he was given what he wanted – just like always. Plus, America is kick-ass. Go America.

Normally, schools would enact a dress-code policy and have students wear special uniforms, but Inuyasha didn't follow them because he was a rich bad-ass and anyone who said different was stupid. He would always walk into school with his red pants and red skateboard shoes – because skateboard shoes were cool and totally useful to his job of sleeping with every girl he could get his hands on and spending money on everyone he knew; Inuyasha had so much money that didn't actually belong to him, and his parent's never forced him to learn the value of a dollar.

Just how rich was Inuyasha? Well, his father had done some super cool thing in the past – that's not going to be touched upon except with some obscure reference later on – with some stupid product that no one actually uses.

Suffice it to say that Inuyasha had _infinite_ monies and _infinite_ girlfriends; Inuyasha was all about the girlfriends. Specifically, he was about banging said girlfriends.

It wasn't his fault he had so many girls after him; they were just drawn to him like moths to a lantern. Girls were always lining up to touch his skin, to get a glimpse of his hard body – absolute perfection engraved into his chiseled abs – or to get a handful of his flowing mane, the super silky silver hair that was more beautiful than any woman's on the planet, nay, in the entire galaxy; oh how his fans loved to tangle their grubby little paws into his hair and play with his little doggy ears – after all, Inuyasha had _never_ objected to people touching his ears.

* * *

As Inuyasha entered the front doors to the school, perfectly waxed chest glistening with sweat that had instantly begun to form due to his own hotness, he could hear all of the younger girls screaming out for his attention.

"Inu-yashie! Over here!" One called out.

"No, 'Yasha! Look at me!" Two shouted, flailing her arms about like an idiot.

"Omg, I want to have your baby, Yash!" Three screamed out, throwing her shirt at him. Yes, she did actually say "oh em gee" instead of "oh my god" because that's colloquial dialect in high school.

Normally, Inuyasha would humor Three and let her touch his shoulder or something like that but he wasn't in the mood for anymore contact at the moment; he had already finished with Fifteen in his car before coming in. So, instead, Inuyasha just tore her shirt up and walked away while Three thanked him for his kind acknowledgement of her presence.

A few minutes later, Inuyasha strolled into his first class of the day and took a seat next to his friend Miroku.

"Yo, 'Roku," Inuyasha half-shouted as he leaned back in his chair to expose his glorious, golden abs. A ray of sunlight broke through the glass to illuminate the world to the greatness that was Inuyasha's body, causing sparkles to appear around his perfectly toned muscles; puddles of drool began to form on the floor as his female onlookers' mouths fell open.

Miroku cocked an eyebrow at his friend, confused with the vernacular. "Since when did 'Roku' become an acceptable replacement for saying my name?"

"What-No. I was saying hey to Roku. Hey, Roku!" Inuyasha waved his arm in the air at some unimportant character in the corner. The poor boy fell over from being graced by Inuyasha's voice and quickly died thereafter.

"Oh, I see," Miroku said calmly as he gazed at Inuyasha's glowing, white-hot body – in the most non-homoerotic way possible, of course. He checked his watch – that Inuyasha had paid for – and sighed as he noticed that the teacher was late…again. Teachers were always late; it's not as though they had gone to years of schooling and trained specifically to be an example to a younger generation. No, no, teachers are always late and stupid – that's just a fact of life.

Miroku patted his feet against the ground, his brand new Italian shoes – which Inuyasha had paid for – squeaking against the ground as he moved; his brand new Japanese Apparel shirt and Abercorn and Peacock pants – both of which Inuyasha had bought for him because, as was previously stated, Inuyasha has infinite monies – hung tightly to his ripped body. Sure, it wasn't as impressive as Inuyasha's because that would take away from the Inu-hanyou's _only_ redeeming feature.

Miroku's body was a bit like sedimentary rock while Inuyasha's was like an indestructible, poly-synthetic, titanium alloy that doesn't exist. God, Inuyasha was _so_ hot.

Eventually, their teacher walked in but no one really cared because they were all too busy cheering on Inuyasha as he did nothing of interest.

"Mister Tashio-Tai-whatever, would you mind asking your admirers to look this way, please?" the unattractive, middle-aged nuisance asked.

Inuyasha pushed One off of him as she tried to touch his perfection. "Sure thing," Inuyasha replied, turning his gaze to the star-struck fan girls. With a flick of his doggy-ears, Inuyasha commanded the girls to sit down and they immediately obeyed , taking their seats like good plot-important angels.

"I just don't understand you anymore, Mister Redundant-Unimaginative-Lastname," the stupid old teacher said. "You used to be such a good student in middle school. What happened?"

Inuyasha brought his finger to his chin as he pondered over what the teacher had just said, abdominal muscles pulsing with every neuron that fired off in his brain. It was true that back in his old school, Canon Middle School (which will hence forth be referred to as 'Canon'), he hadn't been all that desired: his body wasn't jacked, he had a terrible attitude, no one liked him because he was a demon, and he wasn't rich. It would be simple to explain all of the glaring inconsistencies between Inuyasha in Canon and Alternate Universe High – such as how he instantly became rich and loved by everyone, despite him being a demon – but that would mean actually creating a pseudo-history for the narrative. Besides, people don't want to hear about how demons overcame racism, became accepted into society, and all that other serious shit; they'd much rather have their mundane and scheduled high school life be glorified with fantastical characters.

Writing about demons overcoming racism would be too akin to writing about serious shit in American and European history such as the policy of apartheid in South Africa, prejudice towards non-Caucasian ethnicities in the Western world, and the numerous genocides that occur all over the planet. Also, how would a person explain demons who _aren't_ obsessed with eating humans and how would someone explain how humans aren't mindlessly slaying demons anymore?

Yeah, screw the explanations.

"Beats me," Inuyasha said with a laugh. Inuyasha liked to laugh; he did it so often since he came to Alternate Universe High. "Aren't you supposed to teach us something anyway?"

"Not today," the smelly idiot replied with a sigh. "Today class, I want to introduce you to our newest student: Kagome Higurashi!"

Inuyasha watched as the new girl walked into the classroom on cue, giving everyone a nervous smile. As he looked into her chocolate-colored eyes, he instantly felt his mammoth sized manhood sprout up and his heart begin racing – he was clearly in love, because love always evoked erotic sensations in his groin. As a matter of fact, _every time_ a person feels an erotic sensation, it's because they're in love; that's the perfect message to send to readers who are just hitting puberty and, like Inuyasha and Kagome, can't yet distinguish between the biological hardwiring for sex and the psychological perceptions of love.

Inuyasha knew that Kagome was different from all the other infinite girls he had slept with in the past, and he was determined to become her boyfriend and tap that ass. However, instead of doing the gentlemanly thing of being kind and courteous and introducing himself, he decided to be an asshole to the new girl.

"Hey, that wench looks just like Kikyo The Slut!" Inuyasha shouted, pointing at Kagome.

He didn't feel bad as the girl at the front of the classroom glared at him with a look of pure hatred, hatred that clearly said, "deep down, I want to ravish you and make deformed quarter-demon babies." He knew that's what she was thinking because, if she wasn't thinking that, it would make him a creeper when he walked up to her after class and began talking with her about how much he loved her and wanted to fuck her.

"You jerk!" Kagome shouted as she lunged at the Inu-hanyou. Surprisingly, she was able to begin beating the half-demon into a pulp, despite the fact that Inuyasha was a _fucking half demon_ and had _glorious abdominals of hotness_; she had to be able to tame Inuyasha because that would make her different from the other _infinite_ girlfriends he had been around.

The teacher didn't stop the two fighting teenagers as they nearly killed each other; like all teachers at Alternate Universe High, he didn't care about the students or their complicated lives. Hearing a small "ahem" from the door, the useless teacher turned his head.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to announce you as well," the moron began. "Everyone, please rise for…"

* * *

**The Lesson**: Inuyasha as the "Rich-badass-hot-playboy-heartthrob-" characterization just needs to stop. It was interesting, _once_. It's not anymore. It's just a pathetic way of not having to deal with money in your story. Also, while the nod off to Rumiko Takahashi was clever before, it's not anymore; use google and find another name - Taisho is boring, Takahashi is overdone and Tashio is just ridiculous. Stop talking about "Yashie's" abs. Just, stop. I wish I could say that the character above is a caricature of the overdone idea...but it's not: it's the exact character as he appears in many AU High School fics.

I'm sure many of you are ready to begin flaming me for _my_ pathetic attempt at making fun of _your_ AU fic. In that case, flame-on. *Activates Flame-Shield 2.0BETA MVII*


	2. Kikyou is the Bad Slut

Disclaimer: I, GodOfFlame101 under the alias of Damien, do not own any copyrights, Trademarks or affiliates of the Anime/Manga InuYasha. I receive no revenue from this story and this story may be distributed or revoked by the will of the producers of said Anime/Manga without myself seeing so much as a penny.

**

* * *

**

**Kikyo is the Bad Slut**

_Alternate Universe High_

_

* * *

_

Kikyo Higurashi (no relation) stood with her pouty faced lips and her hands on her hips as she waited to be announced by their pathetic excuse for a teacher. It wasn't as if she were a new student, or even important to the actual story for that matter; she just enjoyed being announced at the beginning of class so that all of the little Inuyasha fan girls could give her evil glares. No one could ever be sure why so many of the girls in the class hated Kikyo, but it didn't matter because she was only going to be relevant to the story like, what, twice?

Being the absolute slut that everyone loves to masturbate to, Kikyo would dress in the most provocative clothing that one could get their perfectly manicured hands on: she would wear some sort of revealing halter top that would expose her very pale white abdomen, and a very tiny-micro-mini-skirt that left very little to the imagination. Just judging by the girl's clothes, Kikyo would have to be a slut because she wore what sluts wear; you can totally assess the kind of person someone is by what kind of clothes they have on.

Kikyo was the daughter of the principle; there was no other way to explain her being so popular, her position as the head cheerleader, her perfect grades, and her typical demon lackeys. It's better to make some sort of sly implication that says, "there is no way Kikyo would be any of that if her father wasn't the principle," because people don't normally become cheerleaders and all that stuff on their own merit. No, they had to cheat to get it; that's exactly why authors of crappy AU fictions don't become cheerleaders. It's all a conspiracy to keep them out orchestrated by Kikyo.

Anyway, Kikyo was a fairly rich slut who likes to have sex with just about any guy she can be with – sometimes girls too; she just liked sex which is why she never ever had a steady boyfriend or meaningful relationship. It's important to remind everyone of that numerous times, instead of spending the time to actually develop a rational for the character's behavior and important junk like that. Also, Kikyo was a slut.

* * *

"Hey everyone!" the prattling old man at the front of the class shouted. "I know that Kagome pounced on Yash like _five seconds ago_ but I felt that I should inform everyone of what just happened again by announcing it with something stupid like '_Last Time_'…"

The old goat then spent five minutes talking about what happened – before the narrative focused on Kikyo – as if people wanted to hear about it again. It's not as though people could click a magic button that would let them relive the entire experience; nah, it's best to waste time talking about shit that _just_ happened.

"So, without further ado," the worthless teacher announced. "May I present, Miss Kikyo Higurashi who has no relation to Kagome!"

Kikyo haughtily strolled into the class room, shaking her hips from side to side as all of the men in the room ogled her. Everyone undressed Kikyo with their eyes because she was just such a slut that it was hard not to. Only Inuyasha ignored Kikyo; he had been there and done that already. Besides, he had to focus on Kagome _all_ of the time from now on or else the fucking world would end.

"Hey, Inu-baby!" Kikyo sang, off whatever key she was supposed to sing in. She began grinding on a Random Guy next to the wall – despite the fact that everyone was supposed to be sitting down. Random Guy immediately contracted syphilis and his head exploded.

"What the hell is an 'Inu-baby'?" Inuyasha asked as his luscious abs pulsed, his golden eyes still locked on Kagome's face. Oh wait, of course he would be looking at her because there was no indication that Kagome ever stopped kicking the shit out of Inuyasha. The reader is just supposed to make that assumption themselves.

After removing the dead corpse from her behind, Kikyo took out her music player and switched it off, plucking her ear-buds out. She then strolled over and pushed Kagome off of Inuyasha and onto the floor because Kikyo was a total bitch who does stuff like that. She promptly sat in Inuyasha's lap, squealing wildly as she rubbed up against his gargantuan penis and began leaving hickeys all over his neck.

"I'm sorry Yasha-kun," Kikyo said emotionlessly (because she has no soul). "I was just listening to that new song 'Hey Inu-baby'."

Kikyo then spent the next twenty minutes bouncing in Inuyasha's lap and grunting for no reason. She loved the feel of Yasha-kun's exposed abs on her incredibly pale skin that was white as printer paper and burned every time she went into the sun. Actually, Kikyo was pretty much an ultra-albino, yet somehow managed to keep her hair and eye color, and looked _exactly_ like Kagome. As a matter of fact, Inuyasha was almost tempted to look at Kikyo for that very reason; he didn't only because he was bored of her face.

Inuyasha wasn't tired of staring at Kagome though, even though she and Kikyo looked almost _exactly_ alike.

Kagome jumped off of the floor and wiped the snot from her nose; she had been crying so hard from Kikyo being such a slut/meany-face and, frankly, she was sick and tired of it. Kagome was going to throw caution to the wind and kick the shit out of this girl that, in theory, she had never met before. After all, Kagome had to be different than all the other girls or else Inuyasha had no reason to bang her.

"Listen miss 'Kinky-Hoe'…" Kagome shouted as her eyes erupted with the power of a billion burning suns. "You're a total slut so from now on, I will only refer to you as 'Kinky-Hoe'."

"Hey, what an original nickname!" Miroku shouted out, despite the fact that it was actually an incredibly stupid pun. "Let's call her 'Kinky-Hoe' from now on everyone! We can use it forever and no one will find it annoying!"

So, with that, Kikyo's name was officially changed to Kinky-Hoe.

"Miss Hoe," the senile professor called. "Would you mind taking your seat now so that we can begin a lesson that I'll inevitably stop to give you all the entire period off?"

Kinky-Hoe reluctantly crawled out of Yasha-kun's lap but not before pulling her breasts out of her halter top to flash everyone because that's just what she does apparently. None of the guys clapped though; sure, they were aroused but, deep down, they were all good boys who were waiting for a respectable woman to come along who had book-smart qualities and wasn't very pretty. That's what all guys want but never say; it has to be, or else prepubescent girls who swoon over pasty vampires will have to admit to themselves that they're not really interesting.

"Right. Now let's begin our lesson on…"

Everyone immediately stopped listening to the teacher and began writing notes to each other. Why should they bother listening to some stupid lesson? It wasn't as if anything they would learn in High School was mildly important. The old man obviously wouldn't be rambling on about the differences between Eastern and Western literature, much less about literary techniques that were important to writing (**i.e., similes, metaphors, personification, allusions, imagery, setting, characterizations, plot; rhetorical devices such as juxtaposition, anaphora, etc.**). Why would anyone pay attention to shit like that anyway? It's not the _least_ bit important to _actual_ narration…

Kinky-Hoe was feeling particularly snooty over the whole ordeal she had just been through, what with some narcissistic asshole changing her name on the fly and all. She decided that, since her teacher was boring and she couldn't go have sex at the moment, she would write angry notes to Kagome. She almost considered texting her but, as it turns out, phone numbers don't instantly etch themselves into a memory card simply because you meet someone. Go figure.

"Why are you such an annoying bitch?" Kinky-Hoe wrote out on a piece of paper, throwing it over to Kagome. A few moments later, a note came back and landed square in Kinky-Hoe's cleavage. It was alright through; the note just bounced back out because Kinky-Hoe had fake breasts. Not the attractive kind of breast enlargement either but the obnoxious, attention whore kind; Kinky-Hoe decided that it would be a great idea to have 'triple dees.' And, as everyone knows, the hallmark of being a slut is having obnoxiously huge breasts. All girls with smaller genitalia are good Christian girls who don't long for such hedonic pleasures such as material goods, attention from guys, and sex. Obviously Kinky-Hoe wasn't a good Christian because she had lots of sex.

Oh wait: less than five percent of the population in Japan was/is Christian but what self-absorbed Christian would have enough humility to simply learn enough about Shinto and Buddhism to make their fiction more believable anyway? Perhaps the views on certain behaviors differ from their own dogmatic prattling about some zombie who rose from the grave. Fuck it. From now on, everyone in this story will believe in the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

A-fucking-men. Just like Kinky-Hoe.

Moving on, the note Kinky-Hoe received read, "Why are you such a slut?"

Kinky-Hoe gasped loudly but no one paid any attention to her, because she was a slut. She took a moment to ponder over Kagome's note; clearly the note was super powerful and gave Kinky-Hoe a soul because this was the first time she had thought about anything in a long time…

Truth be told, Kikyo wasn't _always_ a hormonally stressed out devil-child who liked the taste of men. In fact, back at _Canon_, she used to be a very sweet girl: she never wore revealing clothing, sticking only to long and flowing garments that would completely cover her pure body; she was a deeply religious…"Christian"…who would pray every single day, always giving thanks to God(s) for keeping her on the right path; she was also a very kind and considerate individual who practiced charity, humility, and even babysat for mothers working two jobs with no baby-daddy. That is, until she came to Alternate Universe High (which will hence forth be called 'the AU').

Actually, _no one_ could explain why Kikyo had changed so drastically between Canon and the AU. A couple people tried, such as Intelligent Being and Compassionate Character, but they were quickly killed by all of Inuyasha's fan girls who didn't like Kikyo because she was smart, sexy, and Inuyasha's girlfriend back at Canon. Some people claimed that Kikyo wasn't sexy at all, but those people had never seen the single hottest Doujinshi cover that had Kikyo as the pin-up girl.

Why do some people know about this Doujinshi? Research. They swear.

Kinky-Hoe immediately began to break down and sob uncontrollably over the note, snot running down her face as she cried out incoherent things that no one paid any attention to. No one liked Kikyo really. They couldn't because, if they did, it would make the idea of Kagome being this perfect and totally unique person (despite looking _exactly_ like Kikyo) absolute bullshit.

Struck by an overwhelming sense of guilt over her actions, Kinky-Hoe immediately ran out of the room, bawling because of good ol' Kagome; on her way out, she accidentally brushed up against some poor kid and gave him crabs.

The teacher, who was not paying attention to anything that happened, watched as slut!Kikyo left. "What the fuck just happened?"

"Who cares?" Inuyasha asked, flexing his delectable, rock-hard abs that were just so _good_. Everyone cheered at Inuyasha because, even though Kagome had tried to kill him a few minutes ago, they knew that he and Kagome could be together now that Kikyo was gone. Oh, and everyone completely ignored that the teacher had just cursed in the middle of class.

"Alright, well I'm bored," the pathetic excuse for a teacher said. "Kagome, how about you waste some time and tell the class about yourself…"

* * *

**The Lesson:** How in the seven hells you people managed to take the second purest character in the series and turn her into a total slut is _beyond_ my comprehension. Randomly characterizing Kikyo as a slut is the most flamboyant show of pure character bashing that I've ever seen in my life. Not only that, it's not even funny at this point. I can't understand why some people _still_ get all giddy over seeing Kikyo as a slut because it's been beaten to _death_ at this point. Sure, it's fine to take the Canon aspect of "Kikyo is unrightfully Pissed at Inuyasha" but to then turn a _priestess_ into a cum-guzzling bitch it a bit like trying to turn a whore into a housewife; it doesn't make an awful lot of sense. Why don't you all try having a story without this characterization; maybe you could try, oh I don't know, recreating the epic love triangle that is Inu/Kag/Kik by making Kikyo and Kagome worthy contenders for "Inu-baby's" affection. Or is that just too difficult a job anymore?

Oh, and before I forget, **stop telling us what happened in your last chapter.** I'm intelligent enough to read the previous chapters if something doesn't make sense. I don't need you to inform me of any crap that happened before; most people have done this _at least_ once and if you can admit it, great. Still, everyone needs to stop doing it. It's annoying.

Want to bitch about how I'm making fun of your AU fic? Post it in the review section or send me a hate filled message. *Activates Flame-Shield v2.3*


	3. Kagome is the Good Slut

Disclaimer: I, GodOfFlame101 under the alias of Damien, do not own any copyrights, Trademarks or affiliates of the Anime/Manga InuYasha. I receive no revenue from this story and this story may be distributed or revoked by the will of the producers of said Anime/Manga without myself seeing so much as a penny.

* * *

**Kagome is the Good Slut**

_Alternate Universe High_

_

* * *

_

Kagome Higurashi fidgeted nervously in her seat once the teacher had asked her to talk about herself. She had expected to be able to simply sit down and take notes like a normal student, but apparently, high school teachers still force students to give fifteen minute interview sessions with the entire class because the life of _one_ student is just so important compared to everyone else. It's not as though public education systems run on a very tight schedule and every last minute is valuable; no, just let some new girl talk about herself. It'll help the plot in some stupid way.

Kagome dusted her perfectly pleated knee-high skirt and stood up, letting her school uniform flutter gracefully from side to side. She was the only one who wore a school uniform because she was such a good girl; that makes her different from all of the other people who, like Inuyasha, are just _too cool_ for the uniform. Kagome was a completely unique individual who everyone loved because of her differences from the norm. She wasn't a social outcast or anything like that; people who are goody-two-shoes are always revered and respected in High School.

A frown appeared on Kagome's face as she debated how to introduce herself. There really wasn't much that she could say because she was just an average high school student. Sure, she could dance better than any professional, had the voice of the most majestic renaissance performer, could play both the bass and the ukulele, could do any sport better than anyone, was the best mathlete, an honor roll student, _and_ could get a perfect score on every song in _Six-String Champion_…but, she was just a normal high school student with nothing interesting about her at all. She was just like everyone else because everyone is super talented and super capable of doing anything. Believe it and you can Achieve it!

Hearing a snicker from behind, Kagome glared at the half-demon behind her and instantly felt her heart flutter. She had fallen in love with the demon the moment he had said "she looks like Kikyo." However, her heart panged to know that Inuyasha would _never_ date her in a million-kajillion years; she wasn't pretty or popular enough, despite having a perfect hourglass figure, an amazing rack and an intelligence quotient of over nine-thousand. Kagome had absolutely no confidence herself because, as was previously said, she was a normal high school student.

Still, she wasn't about to go and throw herself onto Inuyasha. She was a good virgin girl. Why was she a virgin? No real reason; Virgin Kagome just sells better to little girls who know nothing about sex and spend their time thinking about doing it with sparkling vampire pussies. Oh but they won't actually do it of course; they'll just write about it because anything else would be naughty.

* * *

"Hello everyone. My name is Kagome Higurashi," Kagome announced to the class.

Everyone immediately liked Kagome because she was a good, normal girl. The guys could tell that she was clearly unique and sexy; all of the guys began fantasizing about ripping off her clothes and ravishing her to no end. None of the several hundred guys at the high school actually talked to her though because that's Inuyasha's job. If some unnamed character actually said something to Kagome, that'd rip a huge fucking hole in the AU and no one would know what to do.

"I'm new to the area and don't have many friends," Kagome said sadly. Everyone and their grandma felt bad for Kagome. "But it's okay! I have my friend Sango who I met in some inexplicable event many years ago!"

Everyone cheered as Sango took a bow, relieved to know that Kagome immediately had an anchor friend who was just going to be an annoying buzzkill for the entire duration of the plot. Kagome didn't even have to work at making new friends because she instantly had Sango; people totally just have _instant_ friends in High School. They don't have to work at forming meaningful relationships at all.

"Yay! Kags and Sango are BFFs!" Underage Reviewer shouted from her seat in the corner. Everyone then gave her hugs and smiley face stickers for pointing out the obvious instead of saying something meaningful.

"Omg! Look at Kags-chan's outfit!" Random Girl shouted from her place nest to Underage Reviewer.

"Oh, do you like it? I love this outfit!" Kagome exclaimed. "This outfit is…"

Kagome then went on to explain what her outfit looked like in mind-numbing detail. She blabbered on and on about trifling things such as the stitches, the embroidering, the unimportant color patterns and all the other nonsensical and stupid shit that had no bearing on the actual story. Kagome just liked explaining to people what kind of clothes she was wearing, despite the fact that _no one_ asked for her to tell everyone.

When Kagome finished talking about her stupid outfit, she decided to tell everyone what Sango was wearing because it was just so goddamn important to know. She talked about how Sango's outfit was awesome – but obviously not as awesome as Kagome's because that would suck for Kagome – and all about where she had gotten it. Then, when Kagome was finally fucking finished after her two hour speech, she explained to everyone that they could find a link to the outfit she was currently wearing on her social networking page because, clearly, everyone wants to know about the author's – err –"Kagome's" innate fashion sense.

"That's so cute and kawaii!" Random Girl shouted. The resulting cuteness was so great that her stomach exploded, causing gumdrops and rainbows to shoot out. She was dead afterward.

"Wow Miss Higurashi," the old goat said. "That's so interesting. Class, take the rest of the period off and do whatever the fuck you want."

Everyone was doing whatever they wanted anyway but they were kind enough to say thank you. They also ignored the fact that class had been going on for about three hours.

"Hey, wench," Inuyasha called to Kagome, turning his super-strong abs toward her which glimmered in her chocolate eyes. "I think you're a bitch and we should totally do some non-existent project together. I'll meet you at your house after school and then we'll go to the beach."

Kagome called Inuyasha a man-whore and then instantly accepted. The moment she saw his cute dog ears twitch she had gone wet between her legs and knew that Inuyasha was the one; she knew he was the one because that was the first time _ever_ she had thought about sexual things in her pure, sheltered life. She wouldn't tell him that though. Not until _after_ they had gone to the beach. She was after platonic love. And running around half-naked on a beach is _totally_ platonic.

Eventually class ended and Kagome went to her next class, where she presumably had the exact same experience in every period. Everything was routine until lunch when Kagome met up with Sango despite not talking to her all day. Then Kagome met all of Sango's unfeminine and unimportant friends: there was some sort of super clingy wolf-demon, a five year old girl who had magically turned seventeen and was super perky, and Sesshoumaru also sat with her. Sesshy always hung out with humans now because his girlfriend, Super-Perky, and him would always make-out, like, all the time; Sesshoumaru loved humans. Not to eat, just to fuck like his half-breed of a brother whom he could often stand to talk to for more than five seconds.

Lunch was uneventful and school ended because it's boring and anything that's important happens outside of school.

* * *

Kagome got home and immediately went to her room to escape from her perfect mother who made her pancakes for every meal. After saying her prayers to Jesus, who kept her from pleasuring herself at the very thought of Inuyasha's sexiness (because that would make her a bad girl), she immediately wrote seven songs for no reason and sang them beautifully. Everyone downstairs heard her voice and wept tears of joy at the angelic melody, basking in Kagome's spirit transcending lyrics. People thought Kagome should have a record deal because she was just so unique and talented but being a professional artist would interfere with her nonexistent plans for the future.

When she had finished, Kagome went downstairs to eat her weight in Chocolate cake and beat her brother in video-games. It was okay that she ate so much though because she instantly burned it off; Kagome had the most amazing body ever what with her perfect waist, perky tits, and super sexy ass. She would never flaunt those features though because she wasn't that type of girl.

Eventually there was a loud knock on her window and Kagome opened it, completely surprised to see Inuyasha sitting in a tree outside that was _right_ next to her window. Inuyasha absolutely loved trees so they would always appear anywhere he wanted to look cool.

"What are you doing here, Inuyasha?" Kagome asked, forgetting the entire day.

"Now that we're away from everyone and I can't be judged, I wanted to say that you make me feel different than all of the other _infinite_ girls I've been around," Inuyasha professed to a now starry-eyed and tomato-red Kagome. "I'm totally in love with you and feel like I've known you forever. Let's have sex."

Kagome instantly agreed, because she loved Inuyasha despite barely knowing him. Besides, Inuyasha was _telling_ her he loved her! Don't pay any attention to the fact that he said it in _private_; he said it so he must mean it, right? Yay!

"Lemon warning!" Kagome shouted for no apparent reason.

Then the two of them then had sex with no literary undertones or metaphors whatsoever. Because writing about sex without any sort of meaning behind it is the _true_ sign of a great writer. Also, it's completely okay for Kagome to have sex because she and Inuyasha make a cute couple; there's no double standard between Kagome's sexual exploits with Inuyasha and Kikyou's sexual exploits with anyone at all.

They finished five minutes later and Kagome said, "Wow, that was so amazing and didn't hurt in the slightest." Despite the fact Kagome was _super-tight_, there was no pain when Inuyasha's gigantic schlong literally tore her hymen apart. Yeah, that sounds like such a pleasurable experience. Also, let's make sure to point out that women have to have snatches with a vice-like grip and men must have abnormally huge penises. That sends the right message when you pair it with the idea that sex is equivalent to true love.

"Yeah Kagome. Out of the infinite girls I've had sex with, you were definitely the best for no real reason. I like, love you and junk."

"Yeah, me too. Oh and now that we're sleeping with each other, let's not go ahead and tell everyone. This way, completely expected twists to the plot can happen," Kagome said.

Inuyasha and Kagome then had sex a few hundred more times and no one discovered them.

"Kagome!" a voice from downstairs called out. "You'll never guess who's here!"

* * *

**The Lesson:** This one might be too hard for you but I'll try and spell it out: **Stop using Kagome to fulfill your fangirlish dreams.** It's okay to give Kagome _something _she's good at, but when you make her into this object of desire who can do all these super-cool things and has this really awesome life, it turns her into some mutant freak that no one should want to read about. Also, stop having Kagome and Inuyasha fall in love out of nowhere; why don't you try actually building it up instead of just springing it out. Finally, I don't give a _fuck_ about what stupid fashionable outfit your characters are wearing; unless knowing about what brand of super-cool capri pants Kagome is wearing is part of some important motif in your writing, _stop_ boring me with your trivial shit. It's incredibly boring to read about the girl who get's everything handed to her. Try giving Kagome an actual challenge - one that she overcomes by finding her own strength? Oh, and don't do the cop-out "Oh noes, Kagome was raped again" story arc. We'll get to why that's wrong later though, don't you worry...

I'm sure in the **Big List of Things Kagome Does Amazingly**, you found something that mirrors your own AU fic. Why don't you procede to rant about it in the forums. What's that? You're going to break _my_ flame shield and make _me_ cry? Not when I shift into **Maximum Overdrive!** *Activates Flameshild v2.4BETA MO*


	4. A Challenger Appears

Disclaimer: I, GodOfFlame101 under the alias of Damien, do not own any copyrights, Trademarks or affiliates of the Anime/Manga InuYasha. I receive no revenue from this story and this story may be distributed or revoked by the will of the producers of said Anime/Manga without myself seeing so much as a penny.

* * *

**A Challenger Appears**

_Alternate Universe High_

_

* * *

_

Kagome squealed like a fat little piggy when she saw who was standing in the kitchen. Why, it was none other than her old friend, Susan. Kagome was so happy to see her long-lost, cousin and twin-sister that she almost never talked to or bothered to correspond with; they were just the best of friends because Susan was the best, most perfect thing in the whole fucking world. She would make Kagome and everyone else in the world so happy just by simply being written into the story.

Susan stood there, leaning against the counter with her signature smirk; everyone loved to see when Susan was overly confident and she rightfully deserved to be. She had no glaring obstacles to overcome at all. Sure, there was that _one_ time when a guy in her past tried to get with her, but Susan was so powerful that she just erased him from the story and everything was perfectly fine.

Susan flicked a strand of her long, golden hair as she playfully flickered her eyelashes to the Inu-hanyou, her deep sea-blue eyes gazing into his amber orbs, capturing his attention and rendering him absolutely speechless. Susan's beauty was incomparable to the most divine creatures of the earth, her perfectly trim body clad in cargo pants and purple tank top were the most amazing thing that anyone had ever seen before.

Oh yeah, everyone just ignore the fact that Susan had blond hair and blue eyes, even though Kagome and everyone in her family had black hair and brown eyes; the two of them are still _totally_ sisters despite how scientifically improbable it is. Also, let's just ignore the fact that a staggering minority of the population in Japan has blond hair; Susan is kick-ass after all.

Susan opened her arms for Kagome to jump into because Kagome was just such a hyper little bitch that she would act like a complete spaz around Susan. Isn't Susan just the cutest Japanese name _ever_?

* * *

"Little sister!" Susan screeched, clasping Kagome in a huge glomp. Even though they were "twins," Susan had been the first born by about…five months. In fact, Susan was first in everything when compared to Kagome: Susan had a record deal, could read and write before she was even born, had defeated the Prince of Tennis, and graduated ultra-valedictorian from high school before Kagome could even wipe her own ass.

"I missed you so much, Susan," Kagome said, in her peppy voice. First she found her true love, and now her cousin was here? Oh, this day was just perfect! "Have you met Inuyasha yet?"

Susan continued staring at Inuyasha with a playful grin on her face, and then gave him a seductive wink. The Inu-hanyou then blushed and turned his head away; he wasn't aroused or anything, because it would be weird to be emotionally attracted to a girl that was even more perfect than his girlfriend. We've established that physical arousal and love are the same thing already, right?

"Hey there sexy," Susan said without a trace of interest in the fact that Kagome was standing _right_ there.

"Hey," Inuyasha responded casually as his abdominals twitched from his own amazing-ness, showing off his body to the new girl.

Susan just laughed at him and punched him in the arm, giving Inuyasha a huge bruise because she was super strong. "I can see why Kagome likes you so much!" she shouted, already aware that Kagome and Inuyasha were a couple, despite the last chapter; Susan just knew things like that. Susan's cat ears perked up as Kagome giggled at the two behind her, and her tail swished languidly back and forth.

Oh yeah, Susan is a half demon. Specifically, she's a neko-hanyou with purple ears that are fricking cool. The fact that she's a demon totally makes sense even though her "twin" sister is human.

"Oh, you two! I'm totally not offended that my twin-sister, who looks absolutely nothing like me, just flirted with my one true love," Kagome said happily; after all, Kagome had never been a jealous type of girl or anything like that. No one paid her any real attention because Susan was just so cool. "So, what are you doing here anyway?"

"Oh, you know," Susan began as she ran over to the fridge to get some ramen. She absolutely loved ramen, just like Inuyasha; incidentally, she and Inuyasha loved all of the same things. They could even do some of the same special moves because they were so alike. They weren't romantically involved or anything like that because all of Inuyasha's fan girls threatened to leave the AU if Kagome ended up hurt. "I finished doing all of the amazing things I could in America, Europe and every other Western nation so I came here, looking for fulfillment. Let's go to the mall!"

The three of them got into Susan's super cool and much better than Inuyasha's sports car and drove to the mall. Malls are the hip places where teenagers hang out because, like, malls and stuff have, like, so much stuff to buy. They're totally perfect for spending some of Inuyasha's _infinite_ monies on stuff that Kagome would want to wear; the Inu-hanyou was so happy to hear about what she was wearing before, that he decided he just _had_ to hear about all of the stupid shit she _wanted_ to wear.

So the three of them ran around the mall trying on clothes and what-not. Inuyasha went with them into every single store because that's what guys love: running into the women's section of every department store for seven hours while Kagome and Susan prattled on and on about the fashionable and uninteresting crap on display. Inuyasha saw something that would look super-kawaii on Kagome, with all its wonderful colors; he had a very keen sense of fashion, hence why he never wore shirt. Inuyasha's white-hot body was all the fashion he needed and he knew it.

Susan noticed Inuyasha eye the fabric and immediately chirped, "My _gawd_ Kagome, look what Inuyasha found! This would fit perfectly on you. Go try it on while Inuyasha stands right outside the fitting room."

The couple did exactly that. Kagome went in to change and came back out with this awesomely beautiful outfit; it was different from her normal modest outfits and Inuyasha could feel his arousal spike. He was happy that Kagome was finally flaunting her womanly features and letting him – and the world – get a better view of her perfect body that he was banging. There was absolutely no problem with Kagome changing herself just for Inuyasha; no, it's completely okay for girls to change everything that defines them just for _one_ guy. Girl Power ya'll!

"I love you," Inuyasha said as he pushed her into the dressing room and began to strip her out of the clothes that weren't hers.

"I love you too, Inuyasha!" Kagome shouted out. She was so happy that he wanted to have sex with her again; it was every girl's _dream_ to have sex in a public fitting room with a guy that they _just_ met. It's not creepy at all.

"You guys are so cute together! You two should totally mate, despite only being sixteen!" Susan shouted from outside the fitting room.

The two of them just shrugged and agreed. Then, without any hesitation, Inuyasha bit down on Kagome's neck and left a bite-mark on her. This was to signify that she was his mate forever because the two of them were in love and totally happy.

Everyone should ignore that getting bit on the neck fucking _hurts_ and that neck-biting is normally set aside for Vampire novels because that's an aspect of their character and important to their development. Inuyasha is hot and little girls think vampires are hot because they've never had an original thought in their short lives on the Earth…so let's just bridge the two and everyone will think it's unique to this one story and not a rip-off of something that _no one_ understands.

"Aww! Now say you love each other again," Susan shouted. It wasn't weird that she was listening in on _everything_ the two were doing.

The couple said it again and left the fitting room. Then they paid for their clothes and were treated very kindly by the cashier; all cashiers are nice and friendly and have the same shallow, helping personality.

Susan then drove everyone back to Kagome's house. However, she was feeling sad that everyone had a significant other except for her: Inuyasha had Kagome, Sesshy had Super-Perky, and the other two possible couples were just too unimportant to think about. Yes, it seemed like Susan would be alone forever as they all climbed out of her car and walked up the steps.

But wait! Susan was super perfect so she had to have a love interest. So Love Interest appeared out of thin air, instantly turning her car into his, as he sat there with his dark sunglasses and spiky hair. Ladies love spiky, greasy hair after all.

"Susan! I love you! Come and be with me for forever!" Love Interest professed to her.

"Weeeee!" Susan squealed as she jumped into his car. Love Interest _has_ to be a guy because the idea of having even _one_ homosexual relationship appear in the story would be distasteful to all of the good Christian girls in the AU. Susan and Love Interest then rode off into the sunset and lived happily ever after. There were then several hundred stories written about their lives and the lives of their children.

"I miss her," Inuyasha said. Kagome playfully punched him in the arm as they walked into the kitchen; she could tell he wasn't serious at all because, if he was, that would mean she's not special. On the counter was a note.

"Huh…" Kagome said. "I wonder what this is…"

* * *

**The Lesson:** I_ and everyone else_ knows that you're trying to live your "dream life" through an OC. It's annoying when you do it as Kagome; **it's fucking ridiculous** when you do it as your own character. Stop involving your OC so much in the story; just let the characters deal with it themselves. I can't tell you how many stories I've read where some random ass character says thing that impact the story for no effing reason. Seriously. Stop it. Take your OC and chop its head off because I hate it. Also,** _you_** need to stop writing your OC into _every fucking story you write._ You know who you are. I'm sick of reading about all of the trifling events of your OC who has a different story-arc than the Canon characters - especially when they're a flipping **_God_.**

Everyone has an OC (even me) so everyone will be offended by this chapter; also, it really wasn't as funny and much more direct. Want to whine about how unfunny I am? Post your flaming ball of hate in the review section and flame on. *Flames on!*


	5. Author's Note

Disclaimer: I, GodOfFlame101 under the alias of Damien, do not own any copyrights, Trademarks or affiliates of the Anime/Manga InuYasha. I receive no revenue from this story and this story may be distributed or revoked by the will of the producers of said Anime/Manga without myself seeing so much as a penny.

* * *

**Author's Note**

_Alternate Universe High_

* * *

"Inuyasha," Kagome began as she looked at the note in her hand. "Do you know anyone named 'Author'?"

Inuyasha put his hand to his chin in deep thought as he pondered over the name. Could this 'Author' be one of his other infinite girlfriends that still loved and craved for him, despite his not-real relationship with Kagome? He had dated a Kathy, a Kiki, a Kuma, _an_ akuma, and every other American name beginning with the letter 'K,' but he was almost positive that he had never even heard of this 'Author' person.

"No, why my love?" Inuyasha asked politely. He had become so kind once he had been with Kagome; she had completely changed his normal temperaments that had never been fully explored. Love is all about changing for someone.

"This note is from someone by that name," Kagome replied. "Listen to this. 'Oh my god! Hey people! I'm so excited that everyone is happy reading this; I love you guys _so_ much! Oh, let me tell you all about the unimportant and non-narrative imperative things that…'"

The note then went into great detail about stupid shit that no one in their right mind would actually care about: what this "Author" person was wearing, what their favorite food was, and a slew of other completely random crap that had absolutely nothing to do with Inuyasha or Kagome. Apparently, Author decided that their life was just so fucking important that they had to share it with complete strangers who _truly_ didn't care…at all.

Inuyasha took the note away from her and put it on his abs; the note instantly melted due to his superior importance, crying to the sound of a thousand fan-girls.

"Problem solved," Inuyasha stated triumphantly. Kagome swooned over his brilliance and then the two of ran off into Kagome's room to partake of a few more lemons that had absolutely nothing to add to the story whatsoever.

When they were done, they decided they were going to go the mall again. After all, when High School students aren't at home or in school, they should be at the mall. It's totally _not_ a cop-out to have teenagers go to the mall repeatedly for no real reason; it's not like _normal_ kids ever do anything like take up a hobby or play in a school band. Everyone knows don't sit on the computer for fifteen fucking hours, twittling on their **Facenovels** and what have you; why write about things that are likely happen? Then again, if fan-girls were to read about something that they _actually_ do every day, they'd probably kill themselves from the realization that they have fairly boring and unproductive lives.

Kagome picked up her cellphone and dialed Sango's number. Ironically, the number actually was magically engrained into Kagome's phone. Go figure.

"Hey 'Song'-Oh!" Kagome chirped into the phone.

"Kaggie-chan!" Sango shouted back, completely unaware of how to talk to people at a respectable volume. She was all wound up after beating the piss out of some guy for no reason, because Sango was totally fucking bipolar (in the slang sense of the word) and would alternate between really happy and really kick-ass.

Okay, in Sango's defense: any girl who can kick as much ass as she does is incredibly hot. Even for someone technically fictional. _Technically_.

"Do you want to come to the mall with us?"

"Absolutely! Let's go now!" Sango squawked into the receiver.

Kagome and Inuyasha scurried off to the crimson car and set off down the street at break-neck speed. The Inu-hanyou drove incredibly recklessly but didn't hit anyone because that might kill them. Inuyasha can't kill anyone obviously because he's too likable to be a character that kills anyone; he has a heart of gold, despite previously having infinite girlfriends, superhuman powers, oh yeah – and the fact that, back at _Canon_, he would kill creatures left and right. Inuyasha can't kill people because then they'd die; People die when they are killed!

Anyway, Kagome was so happy to be spending every waking moment with the man she had just met earlier that day, in the car he would use to bang his past girlfriends. He had changed _so_ much for her in the past four hours and it was all because of their love. It absolutely had nothing to do with how he wanted to tap her ass and everything. No, it was all love.

They arrived at the over-sized and fairly ambiguously described mall. It had a bunch of department stores from America in an assortment of food places because that's the base description of every mall everywhere. It's so important to tell everyone what is in the fucking mall even though it's not important or artistic at all.

As they entered through the automatic doors, a piece of paper slammed into Kagome's face. She screeched as she noticed who the note was from.

"How does this person keep finding us, koi?" Kagome asked the love of her life.

"I have no clue," Inuyasha replied, keeping the fan girls who had gone into a riot off of his incredibly hot body; now that Kagome was in the picture, Inuyasha didn't want other girls fawning over him.

"Here, listen to this," Kagome began, "'Omg! I love malls so much! This one time my friends and I went to the malls and we met, like, these totally hot college guys who were talking to us – high school girls – ah! And blah blah blah-blah blah…"

"Jesus Christ!" Inuyasha shouted, because he was completely aware of all the important people in his new religion. "Why does she think we care?"

For some reason, her voice could be heard coming out of the paper. It sounded akin to a really annoying _buzz._

"And then, like, we totally went and bought like, some outfit at this place right and my friend said-"

Kagome then tore the note in half because of how fucking annoying that voice had become. "Glad that's over with…"

Kagome jumped with fright into Inuyasha's arms as she heard someone screech, "Kagome-chan!"

* * *

**The Lesson:** Guys...seriously...stop putting A/Ns about your life into the story. I'll be blunt: no one cares. And if we say we do, it means we really don't. It breaks the flow and ruins the story in so many ways. I tried very hard to be funny with this chapter, however, the topic of the day is just so much more depressing and annoying than every one so far. Save your A/Ns for the beginning and end of the story. I don't care about what you did today, I care about what the characters did today.

I'm sure you're just _itching_ to tell me how not funny this chapter was in some hatemail, or as I like to call it: Fanmail. Go ahead and flame on all you like. *Activiates Flameshield MOCK2*


	6. Taijiya is Such an Original Name

Disclaimer: I, GodOfFlame101 under the alias of Damien, do not own any copyrights, Trademarks or affiliates of the Anime/Manga InuYasha. I receive no revenue from this story and this story may be distributed or revoked by the will of the producers of said Anime/Manga without myself seeing so much as a penny.

* * *

**Taijiya is Such an Original Name**

_Alternate Universe High

* * *

_

Sango Taijiya laughed – almost maniacally – as her dear friend Kagome jumped into the incredibly sexy Inu-hanyou's arms, grabbing onto her hips as her fit of laughter grew more ferocious. Sango did so enjoy playing little pranks on her dear and much-more-important-to-the-plot friend; she knew that everyone has their own place in the world and hers was to be a simple tool for Kagome. All Sango was supposed to do was crack unfunny jokes, beat guys up and talk about shopping. Of course she could do that. It's not as though women had any sort of free-agency.

When her giggles had subsided, Sango brushed off her bad-ass purple punk jeans and leather jacket because Sango was so hardcore that she wore stuff like that. Her black shirt was adorned with a mash-up of some of the most famous American emo-rock groups ever to grace the stage, effectively making her a Japanese hipster of sorts. As everyone knows, hipsters and emo-kids are totally awesome individuals and would completely intimidate other people in any situation; everyone is afraid of their ability to casually condescend to people about indie music while simultaneously spending horrid amounts of money on overly-glorified computer products.

Truth be known, not much was really known about Sango; she seemed like a normal girl on the outside because every girl is a total tomboy – except the wonderful Kagome, of course. She just never seemed important enough to get to know at a deep level. For all the students at the AU knew, Sango could have been born in the North Pole, raised by polar bears, and rode to school on a magic fucking demon cat that could shoot rainbows out of its ass. It still wouldn't be important or exciting because Sango wasn't important enough to actually explore as a character.

Oh yeah: Sango also knows Inuyasha's friend Miroku through some inexplicable event but she doesn't run that way because he's always trying to stroke her butt. But it's okay because Sango totally likes him, even though he's a fucking molester and _constantly_ feels her up; Sango's clearly just fucking around because every guy knows that no actually means yes. When girls freak out over being fondled in public, it's totally them saying "oh em gee! I love you!" That's _precisely_ the message young girls are looking for. It fits so nicely with the "if guys happen to sit outside your window at night and watch you, then they clearly love you. Clearly that stalker is some super powerful vampire that defies every conceivable canon and has been in love with you since you were an action-potential on your mother's hippocampal region."

What the hell was going on again? Oh right, Sango…

* * *

"Damn it Sango!" Kagome swore indignantly. It was something she did often. "What the fuck were you thinking? You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

Kagome crawled out of Inuyasha's very masculine arms which glistened with sexy sweat that gave his entire body a golden tan. She glared at a few passing girls as they ogled Inuyasha's incredibly body, mentally threatening them with violence. Kagome could be violent. No, seriously. She could. Maybe.

"Damn girl," Sango said, waving her hand in front of her face. "Why you gots to be trippin' like that?"

Inuyasha cocked an eyebrow at the girl. "What's with the talk? You hit or head or something?"

"What? Oh, no. I was just reading the billboard for that new outlet store." Sango pointed to a very obnoxious poster of two American teenagers discussing things in their vernacular. Clearly, since America is loved everywhere and super-amazing, other cultures would talk with the same stupid and ridiculous slang that lazy American writers use.

Content with the fact that her friend did not suffer from idiocy, Kagome went over and tentatively hugged Sango. Sure, Kagome and Sango might be "bee-eff-effs" but that doesn't mean Kagome had to be, like, friendly and junk with Sango. No, all she had to do was her own thing and Sango would follow like a dog; that's a friendly dynamic as opposed to having two independent women who can bounce real feelings off of each other, have fights, make up and be semi-realistic in their interactions. No, Sango and Kagome should always be so super-happy with each other because that's how friends are. No exceptions. Not even for Becky who kissed Author's boyfriend. And, oh em gee, Becky isn't even that hot! Ugh!

The trio began walking aimlessly around the mall, window shopping for things that they could magically have enough money to purchase. This is why malls are so awesome; they should really be in more stories. People can just walk around and do absolutely nothing of interest while waiting for some relevant event to happen in time to make everything worthwhile, for instance…

Sango let out a huge gasp as she saw her favorite outlet store. "Oh god, Kaggie-chan! Can we go in there, please please pretty please?"

Kagome shrugged and said, "Why not?"

They walked into a store full of awesome indie/emo/hipster clothes that every decent person in the world would wear. The moment they walked inside, all of Inuyasha's overly priced and trendy clothing was replaced with equally as trendy punk and emo clothing that showed off just how much of a rugged individual he was; everyone who wears skinny jeans as if they were baggy pants and a tight purple sweatshirt is so unique.

After a few moments of shopping, something caught Kagome's eye; a twinkle of fate sparkling on the wall. She guided her eyes across the way to set her sights on the second most beautiful thing she had ever seen. There on the wall was an amazing "Name-That-Search-Engine-Said" guitar painted some in an intriguing tri-burst of purple, gold and leather. Leather is, in fact, a color.

Hesitantly, Kagome approached the wonderful instrument and took it off the wall; she could feel the musical power contained within the guitar calling out to her, begging her to pluck the strings. The two were made for each other. But not as much as Inuyasha and Kagome were made for each other because that'd just be fucking weird.

Kagome began to play a song she had just written five seconds prior:

_This is a song,_

_That I probably stole_

_From someone with just a bit more talent than me_

_Now I think everyone should be forced_

_To read these lyrics_

_That are not poetic at all because,_

_This is my song._

When Kagome finished singing, everyone in the mall was weeping tears of pure joy. Babies were being born prematurely from pregnant women's convulsions, fangirls were falling over dead by how harmonious melodies blossoming out of Kagome's heart, Inuyasha was in the midst of sobbing uncontrollably as his delicious white-chocolate abs convulsed into awe. Yes, everyone liked Kagome's song that she probably didn't actually write. Feeling inspired, she called Sango onto stage and they both decided to do a duet.

What? There wasn't a stage in the outlet store? Of course there was…

"Good evening everyone!" Sango shouted to the crowd of adoring fans that stretched for miles and miles. "Are you ready to hear us sing?"

In response, the crowd chanted their names and the two girls immediately launched into some raunchy regurgitation of pop-culture music that has absolutely no rhyme or reason for being included into the actual plot. Kagome and Sango really just wanted to make themselves look awesome by boosting some abstract concept known as "word-count".

"Ah! I lovers these songos!" Moronic Person shouted from their place in the pit.

"Me too! It's so kawaii!" Underage Reviewer exclaimed. The two of them then made out because they were so made for each other and loved each others. Stories should be full of love after all.

When they finished, the crowd again exploded into applause and lined up to shake hands and get autographs from the two phenomenal girls. The whole process was really quick because Inuyasha would beat away any men that came after Kagome because that's just what he did…there actually isn't a pun there; it's absolutely perfect to characterize Inuyasha as such.

Sango was so happy; people were cheering for her! It was almost too good to be true. When was she going to get another chance to be part of story after this anyway? However, the happiness was short lived because she felt something caressing her backside…

"Hentai!" Sango cried out, doing a complete one-eighty and slapping the molestor. She wasn't about to use the word "chikan" though which, in the English translation, means "Street Groper". She would first have to know what that word meant, even though it would be much more fitting since Sango didn't actually _know_ who was stroking her butt.

"Sango, it's only me!" Miroku exclaimed, holding his red and swollen cheek.

"Oh, Miroku." Sango let out a breath, struck by the boy's handsome features which will not really be elaborated on. If they were, then some people might think Miroku is hotter than Inuyasha! That's a big no-no. "What are you doing here?"

Miroku clasped the girl's hand and stared deeply into her eyes. "Sango, will you bear my children?"

Sango just slapped the lecher again, ripping her hands away from him, and blushed furiously. "Yeah, when pigs fly!"

"Wait Miroku," Inuyasha interrupted. "I thought that you asking Sango to bear your children was supposed to be an important precedent in the development your relationship. Your reluctance on using that line on Sango, I thought, showed how deeply you cared for her feelings and weighed them heavily against your own desires."

Everyone just ignored Inuyasha because, honestly, Inuyasha would never be that insightful. Ever. Plus, Miroku _always_ asked Sango to bear his children; the fact that, back at _Canon_, Miroku had waited to ask the first time until he was sure Sango liked him makes absolutely no difference at all.

"Hey, Inuyasha?" Kagome called. "Can we walk for a second, there's something really important I have to talk about with you…"

* * *

**The Lesson: **Despite what you may think, Sango is a fully developed character with her own set of mannerisms. She isn't your stand-in tomboy; she isn't your typical "emo-child"; despite what you may think, she does not have an uncontrollable temper. If you're willing to do your homework, you'll find that Sango and Kagome can exist –gasp- without each other! Oh lord, how could that be? Yes, Sango is her own effing person. It's completely possible for her to disagree with Kagome and share different values than her. Try creating an actual dynamic between the two girls. I'm sure you never agree with what your friends say _all_ of the fucking time.

**Important Note:** Alternate Universe High is on hiatus for awhile. No, this is not due to all of the wonderful encouragement or hatefilled threats against me (if there were any). It's really a multitude of reasons but the best one is this. In order to write each chapter, I have to actually _read_ all of the atrocious and cliché High School AU fics on the site. Sadly, I lack both the time and the patience for doing this so early on in the semester. Not only that but there are two other rather important fics I'm working on. Long story short, I have no time to read the material necessary to write this fiction. So, until I get some time (thanksgiving break) this story will only be updated after long dry-spells. And that's all I have to say about that.


End file.
